My boy … my friend … my companion … my muse … my spiritual guide and teacher. My Ben ….
On April 25th, Benjamin reached the truly remarkable milestone of 18 years. He has seen two centuries, three decades, two countries, two continents, five cities … and more than anything, he has seen me grow into the man I am today.
18 years … and 17½ of them with me.
No one in the world would have bet on this little dog rescued from the streets of Warsaw, Poland … but I’m glad, somehow, that I did.
To be clear, as you’ll read in my “Month of Benjamin” I started last year when he hit 17, I never expected him to enter my life at all and never, on that day or almost any other day in his long life, would I have bet that Ben would amount to having two dogs, back to back.
But, in someway, I did bet on him when he entered my life: I committed to my life with him. There have been days that were absolute hell, like when I was chasing him around Warsaw with fish heads in him mouth. There were days where I bundled his quivering dehydrated body in a blanket and rushed him to emergency. There was the day I cashed in my RRSP (retirement savings plan) to have his haemorrhaging right eye removed … and then replaced with the prosthetic he’s had for more than 10 years. There were the thousands of dollars that led to a diagnosis of Cushings’ disease … which was supposed to take him from me 4 years ago. There were days he destroyed property, days he nipped people’s feet … and days he bit mine and a handful of other hands that started or scared him. Days he was bullied by other dogs and left whimpering. There was the day a few weeks I ago I was left sobbing when I learned he was dying … that his kidneys were failing before his heart and spirit.
Then there was the day when he was around 4 years old, I was sleeping, and he crawled up the length of the bed, curled up next to my bare chest, and spooned into me for the first time. There was the time I found myself separated in my marriage and he jumped up next to me, put his legs around my neck, and licked the tears from my face. There was the 14 hour car ride where he rode shotgun the whole way as we left Yellowknife and headed to Calgary. There have been all the days he sat next to me in the kitchen while I worked my magic and he got hearts of broccoli, scraps of whatever … or just plain kept me company. There are 6,500 days of memories … not one I would give up.
Through all of it, I’ve never left his side … and he’s never left mine. We’ve been there for each other, through hell and through heaven. I will be there for him through the hard days ahead, the scary days … the scariest day. I will be there to hold him, to stroke his fur, to be the last thing he sees. I want it no other way. He’s my guy … my Benuszek. There is no choice in it any more than there is a choice in parent choosing to not love their child.
So tonight was Ben’s birthday … and what will almost certainly be his last birthday. But I wouldn’t bet against him. Everyone else who has bet against him has lost a lot of money by now. Still, the writing is on the wall — I’m not in denial but I wish I could erase those words and write “immortal” instead. But in lieu of that, I celebrated with Ben nonetheless. He’s now on a new diet, a low-protein, low phosphorus diet which I’ll detail in subsequent posts … and with new recipes. He doesn’t like it much and I don’t really blame him. But still, we’re going to fight this out and we’re going to give this our all. He’s going to have the best remaining days and months I can give him ….
What do you give a dog that has everything? Well, it’s what I give everyone I love: food. On his birthday, we said screw it … I said screw it. For a dog that loves food, loves my cooking, it was a day to celebrate. I only hope that someone reads this when I’m in a palliative condition and makes for me the same decision. I treated Ben the way I would want to be treated … and I made him duck tonight, a beautiful, rich, crispy duck magret … with a sour-cherry sauce and a side of ginger-apple sweet potatoes. As you can see, he loved it … and while not exactly a low-protein meal, it was his birthday and we celebrated our love together.
Tomorrow he returns to his diet, but tonight, he is 18 Forever, forever my friend, forever my dog … forever in my heart.
Wonderful tribute to a truly wonderful companion. God bless you for loving Ben so very much.
I have lost two due to kidney failure and was not given any hope by my vet . Now another one also has kidney issues. BUT, I am now learning how to help him live longer and your recipe is a blessing for us. Thanks for posting it. My vet is amazed at PeeWee’s improvements. He just turned 11. I spent hours making a double batch today and bagging it up for the freezer. We are looking forward to spending more time together as a result of eating healthy and no more commercially processed dog kibble. Thanks, again for your website!
Dale, thank you so much for your wonderful post of your beloved Ben. My little lady had been diagnosed with renal failure. She is 14 years young. A Golden cocker spaniel (Gidgett) that has been the light and saviour in my life. Her big brother Doogle passed away at 14 and 1 month in November 2014 from cancer to the ear/brain, but he lived a full life and a very happy one.
I was searching for information and recipes for Gidgett as I have always cooked for her (even though I hate cooking) as I have not liked giving her the canned food they requested I use. Yes easier for some people and I understand that, but for my life companion…… that was not an option. Gidgett has for some reason enjoyed my cooking … though at times think she must have thought “Mum what are you trying to create here?” But she still ate it, though at times she walked away … she always returned to finish it all. She was and is my champion.
Thank you for your recipes and your guidance. I know I have a lot of hard times ahead, but there is nothing I wouldn’t do for my little lady. We get lots of walks in and she has always been a cuddler which I have always over encouraged. Sadly there have been a few accidents of late on the carpets and tiles, but hey…. what’s a small accident compared to one more day of tail wagging and cuddles on the couch?
You have given me hope and some tips, so from the bottom of my heart I thank you for sharing your life stories of Ben. I know how hard it must have been, but, through them, you and Ben are still helping others. And through them Ben’s legacy still lives on.
I found myself looking at pics of Ben and my heart swelled. He looks like a real character, full of life and love.
People don’t realise just how lucky we are by having our little “fur babies.” I know how lucky I am and always have been having her in my life. My life is richer for it. Yes money has been tight at times, but nothing I would change for a minute.
I am currently cooking up your recipe after my venture to the store so I guess this afternoon will be the tester. Though I may end up making he first batch look like slush, over time, I hope to improve my techniques … lol … though there will be no complaints from Gidgett I am sure.
Gidgett and I thank your your hints and words of wisdom and recipes.
Woof woof
Yvette & Miss Gidgett
Xxxx
Dear Yvette — and Gidgett. Thank you for a lovely message hear and for sharing your story. It is very true, there are no lengths we won’t go to for our children and those we love and Gidgett sounds like she is very blessed to have you at her side guiding her through ‘old’ age. It is a wonderful story you share and one that clearly shows your love and devotion and I hope with the added tips and the sharing of my own story, yours continues much longer. Thank you for you kind words and best of luck to you both on the days and years ahead … and thank you for keeping Ben’s memory and legacy alive in the process.
Dale, I was researching canine kidney failure diets, and found the very helpful recipes you created based on the thorough research you did for your beloved Ben. More importantly though, thank you for the beautiful, eloquent journal of your life with Ben. I cried when I read your memorial to him, as my daughter and I are going through a similar scenario with our sweet 16 yr. old terrier pup (Skippy). He too, is out living his major organs and has Cushing’s, chronic pancreatitis, liver dysfunction, and now kidney failure. We’ve been doing all we can to get him out of his current episode, hoping he can get back to his previous quality. After being in the Pet Hospital for a week (we almost lost him), I will nurse him at home as best I can…..where he’s much happier. Like Ben, our Skippy has the heart and spirit of an angel, and has been the most dedicated and loyal of friends. Your writings are a gift to those of us who cherish our canine babies. Thank you! ??
Thank you Deb. When I started posting my stories and experiences with Ben, this is all I hoped to hear: that it helped others with similar experiences and needs. Thank you for sharing this with me and my heart goes out to you, your family, and Skippy as you fight your own battle. Best of luck to you … I know it is hard.
Hi Dale, my 15 1/2 year old Yorkshire Terrier has just been diagnosed with kidney failure. The K\D dog food my vet gave me…….she will not eat! I don’t blame her……it looks horrific and smells awful.
I found your site last night and went out to buy ingredients to cook your low protein and low phosphorous recipe. I’m happy to say after circling the dish and sniffing it for half an hour, she ate some. I fed her more by hand a little later. She seems happy that there is flavour and some texture and that I went to a lot more effort than merely opening a can!
I thank you for the information you have shared, so that we can all have the oppourtunity to do the best for our pets.
Your beautiful words and photos of Ben, have brought more than tears to my eyes. I sobbed!!! Your unconditional love for Ben is what every pet deserves.
Lisa 🙂
Hi Lisa — thank you for your own moving words. It means a lot, as I’m sure it does to most who have furry companions, to be recognized for their love and devotion … as I’m sure your girl is doing for you for your efforts. It is truly a helpless feeling to be struggling through this disease and the pet’s disinterest in food, but I do hope this gives you hope and some precious more time. Thank you again and good luck to you both!
Thank you for sharing your wonderful story! I just found out that my 12 year old baby has been diagnosed with kidney failure. She is my world. I am trying to find the strength and courage to face this with her; I have to be strong for her, she is a fighter! I hope that her diet change will help her live a few more months and make the rest of her days comfortable and full of love. I will try your recipe this weekend (she hates the K/D diet, I don’t blame her). Much love to you and Ben!
Wishing you all the peace and success with this and the recipe provides you and your baby much hope and love.
The care and attention you provided Ben is such a beautiful thing.
Just learned today my dog of 12 years has kidney failure. I am positive and the thoughts of losing her have not crept into my mind (yet). But I am here to thank you for sharing your wonderful story of Ben and the recipes you created for him. I will be cooking up your recipe for my one, first thing tomorrow. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Thank you Suzie, for sharing your incredibly kind words. It makes my day, truly, each time I get a comment like this, so thank you. I hope the recipe works for you and your dog and that it brings you many more happy days. Best of luck on your own journey. ~ Dale
This was the most beautiful post. I lost both of my dogs at 15 years of age. Worst days of my life. Ben is beautiful, adorable and yours. Whew! Made me cry.
Thank you. I’m deeply touched at your own comment and reaction. Ben continues to lie at my feet and his courage continues to amaze everyone whose life he touches. The days are getting harder for us both, but he is living the most from each day that he can.
I’m sorry for your own losses. I can certainly empathasie and hope that all the beautiful pictures you continue to take of the animals in your life are filling those holes which I’m sure are very deep.
Thank you again from Ben and I both.
I found your site while looking for a homemade recipe for my little 7 yr old Pom . He has never been wholly healthy since battling illness at a few weeks old but until now the worst was he couldn’t go under anesthesia due to his kidneys and now they have progressed to needing a renal diet . I just lost my almost 12 yr old dog 4 days ago to a mass that had metastasized to his lungs. Thank you so much for sharing Ben’s life and his story , I read it thru smiles and tears and even laughed out loud at some parts . He sounds like an amazing dog that lived a great life with a wonderful friend .
Thank you Karlyn. Your comments made me smile as well. I’m glad his story has resonated and given you a range of emotions. Not all readers make it that far, but it means a lot to know that some of you have gotten to know the “Ben” I knew and very much loved and still do. Thank you again and best of luck to you with your Pom as well. Take good care both of you.
Happy belated 18th Birthday, Ben! Rescued from the streets of Warsaw…my rabbit was also adopted in Warsaw after having been rescued from who knows where.
Thank you Julie. 🙂 That is very cool to hear about your rabbit. The stories s/he could tell, I’m sure. It is a miracle how strong some will to be survivors and that they get to enter our lives and teach us the same.
Happy Birthday Ben! Our last dog had cushings as well. It’s a difficult disease to keep in check and his kidneys ended up failing as well. We fed him baby food – he loved the sweet potato. It’s low protein and has a high water content.
Thank you both. Yes, Cushings is a tough disease… typically something that afflicts older dogs around 12-14. Ben’s done amazing to have lived 4+plus years with the diagnosis. Thanks for the suggestion about the sweet potato. Ben loves it and it’s been a part of his diet for a many years. It’s not only low in protein, but more importantly low in phosphorus which is the thing I’m factoring for more than anything else. It’s also what he got with his duck last night …. 🙂
Yes, a happy birthday to Ben! Please do enjoy your remaining time with him! And yes, a splurge was definitely in order.
Ben would say “Thank you” if he could … as he lies next to my feet, his spirit is always in my writing. I will enjoy every minute we have remaining together. Thank you …. 🙂
Happy Birthday Ben! Dale, it sounds like you have had a wonderful companion and he has had a wonderful champion. All the best!
Thank you Charlene. We are indeed in each other’s pockets … a symbiotic relationship if there ever was one. 🙂